Ode to Optophobia

If I were a sailor would you love me?
If I were a banker would you care?
If I knew how to drive a bulldozer,
Would you let me drive you around town, (destroying all the landscapes?)

If yes let’s meet in the morning
Halloween is not far away
And I could be anything you wanted
The magic word is every word just say it

If I learned to juggle would you keep me?
Or take me to fancy parties in the spring
All the guests overstuffed with defrosted crab cakes
Would whisper “hush, hush, what a pretty little thing. (and I would be for you)

If yes, let’s meet in the morning
And race the cars before they go to work
Take a ride in my’95 Crown Victoria
Bring your walkman because my cassette player’s broke

If you peed your pants I’d still love you
If you wanted to be an astronaut you’d have my support
Like a jockstrap I would cling to your body
Lapping up the plastic pain if you ever got hurt

If no, I’ll try again tomorrow
Cause I only have eyes for you
My prescription isn’t quite twenty-twenty
But you’re the only thing that’s focused in my view

If you wasted you life on luck I would still love you.
If you got in a horse riding accident and I’d push your wheelchair
If you grew to be too old and scared to dream
I would whisper the wills of the things you once believed in (until you feel asleep)

If no, then I’ll wait until you’re ready
And feed the fish until you come back home
When obsessed with a man what is a girl to do?
Then dress up cardboards cutouts and pretend they’re you (you make a fine dance partner)

If yes, let’s meet in the morning
If no, I’ll see you soon